


Distance

by midget_boss



Series: Dancing Blind [2]
Category: TMNT (2007)
Genre: Gen, Introspection, only Leo is in it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:53:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25683865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midget_boss/pseuds/midget_boss
Summary: After his return Leo tries to remember how to find common ground with Raph.
Series: Dancing Blind [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1712122
Kudos: 12





	Distance

If anyone were to ask, Leo would say that Raph was the brother he knew the best. Part of this is that Raph is easy to read. His body language always gave him away. Confusion caused Raph to let his guard down and stand still for just a moment before he burst into action. Uneasiness made him prowl around wherever he was, head turning slightly as he scanned the area. Irritation made his movements sloppy, but anger made them choppy and explosive. Worry and guilt made him tense, which caused him to either pace like a caged animal or attack his punching bag. Sometimes both, flitting between them so quickly it made Leo’s shell tingle. Contentment made him languid.

He knew all of this because Raph was usually right beside him, or just behind him, or just generally in the area making his presence known in such a way that Leo couldn’t not notice if he tried. When he tried. The only place that he could escape was the meditation room and even then, Leo always felt like there was a dark cloud he had to struggle through before he could find peace.

Leo could also tell just how badly the distance that separated them affected Raph. He always acted as if he felt everything at the same intensity, one hundred percent, but Raph always moved closer the stronger he felt. When he was truly passionate about something he was up in Leo’s face.

That had become even more apparent in the last few years, as Mikey and Donnie followed their own interests outside of the dojo. He and Raph were alone in their rivalry for leadership. The funny thing was, Raph didn’t want the responsibility that came with being the leader. He just didn’t want to follow Leo.

As children it hadn’t been as much of a problem. When they had played together Raph had been nearly as content to follow as to lead, provided he had some input into what they were doing. Mostly, Raph hadn’t cared where they went as long as Leo went with him. They had been equals, exploring the world around them from the same place.

Those years passed in what seemed like the blink of an eye now. He can only remember a handful of moments from those adventures: the dirty bear Mikey would hold on to for years, the flash of his brother’s smile, or his first sight of humans. The last would come to signal the end of those days.

In the intervening years Master Splinter sought to teach them about the wider world, scavenging books and scraps of paper during their nightly journeys. It wasn’t until they were big enough to help move things that they constructed the first semi-permanent lair. After that, they spent some days learning and nights just training instead of looking for another place to hole up.

Once they made the Lair Leo spent most of his day training and meditating with Master Splinter, wrapped up in dreams of duty and honor. For several years he recited the seven skills of Seishin teki kyoyo every morning and every evening before meditation, working on his spiritual refinement. During the nights he and his brothers played games or watched movies, Master Splinter more often watching over them than joining them. Memories of those nights come easier, looking up from laughing with his brothers to see Master Splinter watching them with pride and affection. Or exasperation, if Mikey and Raph were roughhousing.

Looking back, he’s not even sure what exactly Raph had been doing all that time. Oh, he received regular training with the rest of them and often participated in sparring, but those instances somehow seemed to blend together. All Leo has now are vague recollections of sound throughout much of his individual training: of flesh hitting canvas, Donnie’s frequent complaints about noise or repairs, or Mikey asking where Raph was. He remembers the last the best, because he didn’t like not having an answer.

Very little seemed to change in their training. Raph could spar at the same level as Leo, but his skills in specific ninjutsu arts did not keep pace. Their brothers kept up in their own ways, but neither even tried to be their equal. Confident in his own abilities, Mikey felt no need to dedicate himself to further training and Donnie was content as long as he considered himself competent.

Life outside of their training followed a similar pattern. Leo continued to hone his abilities, pursuing the enlightenment that would help him keep his family safe. Donnie created the role of family scientist and inventor in the same way he created his machines, taking into consideration what they needed and then constructing it. Mikey painted a picture of optimism and trust, blurring across the pages of their lives in a way that connected them all in bright primary colors. And in the spaces between and around his brothers Raph stalked, reaching everywhere and giving them depth with his shades of grey. Even in his absences, which came more frequently after they met April and Casey.

Somewhere along the way Raph had ended up at the opposite end of the spectrum from Leo, in ability as much as in temperament. He could still fight at the same level, but there was a wealth of difference in their skill. Raph had never had the discipline needed to master the more refined arts of ninjutsu. His frustration always seemed to get the better of him. Or maybe he simply had a hard time acknowledging that the most direct path was not necessarily the better path. The majority of their arguments often concerned method more than reason.

Yet for all the differences between them, until his trip Leo had little trouble understanding Raph. He was still right next to him, more often than not only a breath away. It’s one of the things he had missed when he was gone, though he hadn’t realized it until he’d been in the jungle long enough to feel that he didn’t have to come back. That he would be just fine on his own. He knew now what a fool he had been.

Now, though, he looks at Raph and he doesn’t see his brother anymore. Leo’s not sure who this stranger with his brother’s face is, and he’s caught between wanting to find out and being afraid of what he’ll find.

**Author's Note:**

> I will be the first to admit this story, and the series as a whole, are very subjective. I am always interested in comments and constructive criticism. Thank you for reading.


End file.
